Mutual Submission

The wife could take the key and NOT the door

2012-02-17T04:58:00.000-08:00

This could be the key to prevent divorce. How about giving your wife the choice between unlocking the door and leave or controlling the relationship and maybe locking her husband maleness?

Here is excerpts that refer to a blog entry of Michel Weiner-Davis that can be read it its entirety at Divorce Busting- Walk-away Wife Syndrome

... this year, two thirds to three quarters of those divorces will be filed for by women.

It is called the Wife Walk-away syndrome:

In the early years of marriage, women are the relationship caretakers

... to make sure there is enough closeness and connection

... women will do what they can to try to fix things`

If their husbands aren't responsive, women become extremely unhappy... complaining about:

... things that need to get done around the house,
responsibilities pertaining to the children,
how free time is spent and so on.

A woman eventually surrenders:

... that change isn't possible

... She resigns herself to living in silent desperation

Her husband views his wife's silence as... "everything is fine."That's why, when she finally breaks the news of the impending divorce, her shell-shocked partner replies, "I had no idea you were unhappy."...The relationship is in the danger zone.

In our couple we never took our mutual love for granted. We developed this ability to question or re-evaluate our relationship from time to time. That showed regularly that aspects of our dynamic needed to be corrected. And one area was regularly on our plate: our sex life. Sex is different for a woman than for a man. I interpreted this mismatched sex needs as a lowered sex drive from my wife. While this can be partly true the main reason why I felt dissatisfaction was that I was being more attentive to fulfill my lust than to service her sensual needs. Adopting a new approach to our sex life brought a need for a new dynamic in the couple. Wearing a chastity device for me is only part of that change. The most important thing is to make a commitment to a renewed marriage incorporating a new philosophy for our couple's dynamic.

And I much prefer to have her lock me in the Saddle than out the door!

Building strength

2012-01-31T06:32:00.000-08:00

Here is an excerpt from a very good blog (Ferguson Values) addressing something that should be the core of a marriage: values. The blog entry addresses the importance of the strength value for a strong marriage.

7 Ways to Build Strength into your Marriage

Here are 7 ways to build strength into your marriage:
Define your “why”. Creating a shared vision and defining what a meaningful life means to both parties is the best way to build strength.
Be consistent in showing your love. Love is not earned. It is given freely. You can change how you demonstrate your love, but consistent effort here has a long-lasting effect.
Respect your spouse. Being courteous is one thing. But when you proclaim honest admiration for your spouse, then you are showing how much you care. Also, when you demonstrate self-restraint, you are showing your spouse that their needs matter.
Use intensity to your advantage. Every marriage has intense moments. While at times these might appear to strain the relationship, you can turn them into a positive impact by sharing your experiences with others – together. These create healthy stories of success.
Be willing to adapt. If something is harmful to your marriage (or has the potential to be) then remove it. This is not about sacrifice. It’s about demonstrating that you are willing to do whatever it takes to protect your marriage.
Keep the excitement alive. Push away predictability and boredom by occasionally surprising your spouse with something new. And remember, it needs to be about them and not you.
Incorporate times of rest. This is not about being away from each other. Rather, allow time for renewal and rejuvenation of the things you love together. Just as the silent notes in music can create a powerful impact, so too can the quiet moments in a marriage create a lasting impact

When long term married we often take things for granted or we fall in a routine life forgetting to define or re-define a meaning for being together. What keeps spouses in a young state of mind is to always be open to new ideas and be willing to innovate and adapt to life. Committing ourselves in a new dynamic didn't change what we were or what we did that much but it brought a renewed awareness of each other. It might be sometimes more difficult for long term married people to accept new roles or attitudes because it pushes us out of our comfort zone but it is what is required to prevent boredom. Understanding and flexibility are required within the couple. And taking the time to make small steps and readjust along the path will make things durable and respectful of each spouse's capability to absorb new ideas or way of life.

Reasons for empowering your wife

2012-01-26T21:11:00.000-08:00

There are reasons for worshipping my wife.

But this short video show that womenare not perfect. Now their man can help to achieve so...

One flaw in Women

Thisflaw could be the reason why there are not so many wives asserting themselves or recognized by their husbands as couple's leader.

For us I want my wife to share the leadership in our couple and even todetain the balance of power. By empowering her I’m giving her strength toacknowledge her own worth and cultivate the desire to be a leader in ourcouple.

Mutual submission needs to empower wives in marriages

2011-12-21T20:43:00.000-08:00

For defining our own renewed dynamic that respects our couple's philosophy it is useful to open up to new ideas. Even if we qualify ourselves as partners in our marriage and that we share leadership in our own areas of competence we also want to give more control of our sexual life to the wife and give her the balance of power. So we looked at sites that promote female leadership. And there are some great ideas to design a Mutual Submission partnership between wife and husband.

While we don't agree with everything said on the site Real Women don't do housework we found thoughful ideas that are beneficial for us. The author Lady Misato has written a very structured presentation of what to do to adopt a Woman Led Relationship within a Long Term Relationship. I invite you to refer to her site for more details. Also Lady Misato provide email counseling to wives seeking to transform their marriage.

With the author's authorisation to use her text I've taken excerpts from within all parts of the site to create my own condensed reference guide of what constitute the philosophy that should guide us as a couple to realize the desired state within our marriage as my wife becomes the Head of Household while I'm bound to service her. We believe the site contains valuable information even if we don't share the same philosophy.

Our desired marriage status: for my wife to be HOH

Even in a modern marriage that pretends to be equal, decisions have to be made; in every disagreement someone wins and someone loses... Traditionally it has been the wife who followed the lead of her husband...
But I will show you how you can become the prevailing partner so that it is your husband who submits to your will in every aspect of your marriage. Henceforth, you will make the final decisions in your household. You will wear the pants. You will become the head of your household... In the simplest terms, it means that your word is his law; your husband's primary duty is always to yield to you and obey your wishes...
To elaborate, being head of the household means that you make the important decisions and your decisions are final... Where you disagree, he defers to your decision. You should develop the confidence to act on the basis of your role as head of the household and the strength and determination to help him adjust to his own supporting role... You may delegate the implementation of a decision to him...
Perhaps most importantly, being head of the household means that your judgment, opinions, and priorities rule. As head of the household you should indulge your own judgment, opinions, and priorities... You act on your own beliefs and values whenever the facts are unknown, insufficient, inadequate, or differently perceived. He must subordinate his judgment, opinions, and priorities to yours...
As head of the household, you control the family finances. He is required to justify his expenses to you... In many ways, time is money and so it is that his time is yours to budget or manage as you see fit... You should feel free to offload time consuming or otherwise undesirable tasks on him including family care, housework, shopping, and running errands. It is his responsibility to follow your direction in the management of his time and to seek permission for any deviance from your expectations with respect to his time...
Finally, make no mistake, this is fun. F-U-N fun! You and your husband can really spice up your marriage and turn everyday experiences into an passionate and erotic drama...
Don't worry if you lack confidence in the beginning. You can take small steps to find your way. Your confidence will grow with positive results... But do not confuse your initial lack of confidence with a lack of commitment. Be committed and find your way to fulfilling that commitment.

The Key

Erotic power is the key to igniting passion in your marriage... Erotic power will become the focal point of your renewed marital relationship. This is not to say that it is a substitute for love. On the contrary, it will become for both of you a new and powerful expression of your love for one another.

Courtship

There was a time, you'll remember, when your husband would bring you flowers and open doors for you and generally offer you his open and sincere heart... Courtship is the act of wooing in love; it is a man seeking the affection of a woman with an intent to romance... The key to reviving courtship in marriage is to withdraw the certainty of romance...

By reviving courtship in your marriage you can discover new possibilities of love and passion that you had thought long lost. You can recreate the kind of passionate love in your marriage that you experienced when you were first dating your husband...
Fundamentally, courtship is an act of adoration. To be courted you must summon the self-confidence to expect and demand your husband's adoration, to become the object of his desires... You are worthy of his adoration by the very fact, alone, that you are married... This works for one very simple reason: Your husband needs and desires to adore you. He may not be consciously aware of it but the male psychology fundamentally desires pursuit. Just as you desire to be courted so your husband desires to court. It's our nature as human beings. You need only exploit that desire. The nature of his desire is, fundamentally, sexual... Sex is his primal goal. Sexual desire is what stimulates his romantic passion. And, therefore, it is your means. Male sexual desire is, in turn, stimulated by challenge. Yes, that's right. The greater the challenge, the greater the sexual desire...

Erotic Power

You have, within you, a power. An erotic power... To become the object of his adoration, to become Queen of your household, you must learn to comfortably and confidently wield your erotic power over your husband... Erotic power is the key to igniting passion in your marriage. Erotic power is a strength and force which you can exert to arouse sexual desire in your husband. Erotic power is your capacity to exercise control over your husband through his sexual desire for you. Erotic power provides the male ego with an excuse for giving in to you. Instead of arousing his urge to fight, you are arousing his urge to surrender. When you exercise power over your husband erotically your husband will not recognize this as a challenge to his ego... Make no mistake about it: erotic power is extremely manipulative. To wield erotic power you must overcome your own inhibitions. The converse of your erotic power is your husband's submission to you. As you wield your erotic power over your husband he will yield and surrender himself to your will and authority. It is in his submission to you that he is once again in a position of challenge and pursuit. You will find that this new relationship goes far beyond the courtship that you experienced when dating. By virtue of the intimacy of your marriage, your familiarity with one another, and your shared lives, you can establish a deep and close relationship with your husband that could never exist outside of marriage... Some surveys have suggested that as many as two-thirds of men have fantasized about being sexually dominated by a woman...

Orgasm Denial and Chastity device

Taking control of sex entails training your husband that sex is for your benefit, not his... It is not the case that he is no longer to be allowed to enjoy sex. On the contrary, you will find that under the new arrangement he will be more excited and satisfied than ever. It is simply that even when sex is directed at your satisfaction, your husband will inevitably be satisfied as well. The rule you want to establish is simply this: sex happens when you want it to happen. You do not have sex simply because your husband is aroused. You have sex when you are in the mood for it...
As you assume the role of Queen of your household, you will begin to conceive of your husband's sexuality not merely as a source of pleasure for him (and a tool for procreation) but as a means through which you can manage, control, and direct his behavior. His member, while still attached to him, will become your property in the practical sense that you, not he, decides what is done with it. And through your ownership of his member you will practically own him...
As a general rule, you will find that your husband will be on his best behavior if you keep him on the edge, in that zone between sexual frustration and satisfaction. it is often helpful to reduce sex more radically in the beginning of training and then to increase slightly once he he has openly accepted your role as head of the household... Just because you are reducing his frequency of sexual release doesn't mean you have to reduce your own. In fact, you can increase your own at the same option when and how to have sex, so it is your option whether to continue sex after you yourself are satisfied.
If you teach your husband to give you oral then you can enjoy quickies at any time. You can do this not just in bed before you go to sleep but in the morning before you leave for work or in the evening when you come home to him. Use your imagination. This also works with toys. If you prefer penetrative sex, you can get a penis extender. Because it is so thick he will get little stimulation during intercourse while wearing it... Thus your husband's penis becomes essentially a play toy for your pleasure and puts you in total control of his sexual release...

Penance

Simply put, negative reinforcement is the association of a negative consequence with a undesired behavior. For example, disobedience is an undesired behavior that ought to be punished to discourage it. But punishment is more than simply negative reinforcement. Punishment should also include penance... Penance provides you with a means to overcome your anger, pain, and frustration at your husband. Penance provides your husband with an opportunity to express his love and remorse by enduring the punishment you have selected...
Physical punishment, usually spanking, is perhaps the most extraordinary form of punishment. Spanking can be very cathartic for both parties. Men are particularly fond of enduring physical pain in their devotion to love or in the service of an important cause. For men enduring physical pain can be a powerful symbol of manhood. All the more when that pain is at the request of their love. For you the act of spanking can be a way to release and direct your anger.(frustration)

Keeping Track

A merit system is simply a systematic method of keeping track of his behavior so that rewards and punishments can be more accurately applied. But accuracy is not the only benefit of a merit system. The mere act of keeping track will have a profound effect on your husband. Not only is his every behavior subject to an indelible record avoiding any possibility that you might forget either the act or your feelings about it, but in addition the constant state of evaluation will elevate your power over him and further invite his surrender to your will...
Design a template report on the computer that includes every responsibility that you have assigned to your husband from doing the dishes to treating you respectfully. Let him manage this document. Each night he should print a copy of the document to be signed and handed to you for review. If you have given him any new items, they should be added to before the report is printed... There should also be a place on the report for you to score his behavior to provide feedback to him. You can assign a score for your husband's behavior that day:

Unacceptable: Performing beneath expectations.
Acceptable: Doing what was explicitly demanded but no more.
Good: Going beyond what was demanded on at least one occasion. Exceptional: Surprising you with exceptional attention

Conclusion

I offer couples the Queen/knight metaphor... A knight is a votary, a person who takes vows to live a life of service. A knight as protector acting always in the interest of his Queen. Exercise of erotic power leads naturally and inevitably to matriarchy. You will be able to train your husband to do virtually anything you wish. And you'll have the most incredible sex life you can imagine.
When you wield erotic power to dominate your marriage, you are happier and your husband is happier. Your husband is happier because he is a hero. He comes to your rescue by doing the chores around the house and by satisfying you sexually. You are happier because you have someone to talk to and to do the chores for you and because you are finally enjoying sex with your husband.
Indulge your wildest fantasies. Set yourself upon a pedestal and watch your husband worship at your feet as you lead him around by his sexual desires. It's amazing how many aspects of your life your erotic power will touch.

As for Kim and I it means that having a written philosophy helps us to define our values that will penetrate our subconscious enabling us to act in harmony with ourselves and our environment fortifying our resolve to migrate toward a marriage where the wife is Head of Household.

Kim’s preferred colour is now blue!

2011-12-18T18:15:00.000-08:00

BLUE

Whenwritten in colour it’s Kim speaking, Ric’s wife.

My dearhusband approached me on the patio on a sunny Sunday morning this summer whiletaking a nice breakfast together with a heart to heart conversation. Verydelicately Ric made a recap of our 20+ year’s marriage with so many ups and solittle downs and telling me how much he loved me. But he then emphasized on twothings on which he was less pleased while blaming himself for having somewhathurt me. The first was his introduction of D/s in the bedroom some twelve yearsago which is a dynamic revolving around Dominance (by him) and Submission (for me). He told me that even if he saw that I wasn’t at ease with that hepersisted. And the second thing was that he found that he was not as attentiveto me as he used to be and felt less attuned with me.

It’s truethat D/s was not something that I got used to. It was not really disturbing butI usually found it false. But by sharing Ric’s secret garden and trying to finda way to deal with it in a way that was likeable for both of us it made us moreintimate together and truer one for the other. The reason why it didn’t work isthat I’m not stimulated by kink and not knowing if our time together would be aD/s time or not was stressing: and for me sex needs to be relaxing. Also whenRic wanted me to call him «Master» and act submissive I was not at ease sinceit’s not me. I’m a discreet person and very easygoing and pleased to service myman and my family: while never talking loud or being directive I’m notsubmissive. So I did my best to please his kink needs but it was unsatisfactoryfor both of us. And I was grateful of him to dump D/s a couple of years ago.

As for hislack of attention for the last year I did understand that his professional workhad taken a toll on him. But it was true that the daily routine or the familylife had taken all the space and that our intimacy or the fun of being togetherwas missing. So we had a heart to heart conversation and he told me that hewanted to change his attitude. He said that he was in love more than ever andhe wanted to feel again this romantic feeling of being near me and wishing toplease me in every way as it was the case in our romantic love in the firstyears of our marriage. I was touched since I was feeling the same love but washoping that Ric could put his desires into actions.

So when hetold me that his idea was for me to be more in control of our relationship Iwas quite surprised. He then presented me excerpts from a book called «Be careful what you wish for» by SarahJameson. It was about how establishing a dynamic that was incorporatingOrgasm Denial into a relationship for bringing back the focus of the man toplease his woman. He had taken excerpts that was explaining what applied towhat he was feeling and he finished by showing me that he was wearing aChastity Device. I was quite surprised. I had never heard of such a device formen and to see his penis trapped in a plastic tube (it was the CB6000) wassending mixed feelings. But he had presented me the concept with so muchdelicacy and talked me his heart so openly that I was more curious thandisturbed.

NeverthelessI didn’t put too much attention for the following weeks. I was appreciative ofhis attentions and was accepting the bits of control he was proposing me likethe TV’s remote control but I was cautious. First like I said I’m notinterested by kink and I didn’t want to bring back D/s even if it was to bereverse ways. Second I was not interested in changing anything in ourrelationship other than renewing with a more romantic, attentive and relaxhusband. Third I wasn’t pleased with the look of the plastic device. After a whileit kind of fell back in a stealth mode and we didn’t talk about it. He rarelywore the device and the Orgasm Denial never really took off. But the gems wereplanted. And I kept thinking while appreciating his efforts to be dedicated towardsservicing me.

So fewweeks ago when he showed me his new metal Chastity Device (The Saddle) andasked me if I liked it, I very pleasantly locked him in the same day hereceived it. I really liked the look of it and still see it as a kind of jewel for his most intimate part.I really love the look of it and knowing that Ric can’t touch his penis is areal turn on. I really feel that his penis is now my property and it makes a huge feeling of being in control of myhusband’s moods and I feel safe that the sex is now under my strict control. Nomore unpleasant play from now on! Ric was moved when I placed the key on myanklet (The Power Key) and I too was emotional from hisdesire to submit to my control. I’lltell more in future posts about it and how we progress in our dynamic from mypoint of view.

Since Ilocked him the very first day he received the Saddle not once has he been outof it! I appreciate the rebirth of our romantic love and if I need to put someblue in our life to do so than I’ll oblige gladly. As the book said… Be careful what you wish for!!

Why Mutual Submission

2011-12-15T09:11:00.000-08:00

To make a lifelong commitment you have to adjust to the many changes that happens in one's individual self and the couple/family/ social environment. We did that over the years and the actual search regarding Orgasm Control is a profound conviction that it could be beneficial to our marriage as a way to keep the spark alive and the dedication to the other as our primary objective. The fact that kids are older (and so we do) and other things related to our lives make us aware to refocus more on each other. And it's not the kink that attract us in the Orgasm Control but the romantic attitude toward my wife that is brought back in full force. So I do it for the amorous state of mind that it gives me and Kim is interested to go further because of the pleasure she feels from my dedication to her.

And it's called Mutual Submission since it takes two to make a marriage work. For the woman to control her man's request of Orgasm Control requires her acceptance of his submission. And same thing if it's the reverse way. In sex it's really the fact that both spouses allows their own body to be offered to the other that the shared bond is able to flourish. As in the expression that two become one. Besides even if I was the official Head of the Household (HOH) for the most part of our marriage, in fact we always had shared responsibility and my wife was voicing her ideas if needed and I was prompt to acknowledge that it was often the best idea to follow. But I don't believe in a perfect egalitarian marriage (or LTR of course). I firmly believe that one of the spouse has to have the power to have the final word if needed. Up until now I was glad to comply. It pleased my ego and somewhat my beliefs that the man should rule over his wife (of course with her agreement). But I've always been fond of the females' qualities and I'm happy to make the shift now to let my wife be the HOH. Thus the reason why I'm focusing a lot actually on what relates to Orgasm Control or Orgasm Denial in order to learn and bring the information to my wife as it's her preferred way of doing things. But we're not looking at a major shift in our couple since our shared responsibilities will still be there and the somewhat egalitarian marriage will remain for the most part. But there's a definite shift in the dynamic and no doubt that it will affect our thinking as well as our doing.

I rely a lot on my values and convictions to make my choices. And I can't ignore the importance that it impacts my life. For example as fond as I am of the females' qualities, being HOH and having brought some D/s's kink in the bedroom brought me to develop a somewhat chauvinistic attitude. As I'm switching with my wife and I'm learning on the abilities of the female I'm consciously and unconsciously changing my attitude towards women. For example while driving I'm very much aware who's driving the other cars and I'm attentive to be especially polite and considerate if the other driver's car is a woman. Just like with Kim as I'm more attentive to her needs and as I want to service her and please her I'm very much aware of her beauty and strength and I'm eager to kneel at her feet to help her remove her shoes or give foot massage. The brain is really something!

I leave you with a Time's article called Why women are Better at Everything? I'll comment in a future post but it' s a nice boost to think that Kim and I are on the good track to renew our marriage. I just love the article's last phrase as it says « Of course, to most women none of this is much of a revelation. »

Kim is certainly a very patient person. It has to since she's married with a guy...

Empowering the female within the couple

2011-12-14T10:57:00.000-08:00

I'm the one who presented the idea of Orgasm Control / Chastity device to my wife Kim. To do so I was looking the net which brought me to few books. One was Uniquely Rika. I bought it but put it aside since it was too early to show her. She would have thought I was bringing D/s again on the forefront, something I did twelve years before. No way. It has been a necessary step I guess to struggle for many years with some kink but it was something that was behind since almost two years.

My wife is not into reading self-improvement books but I am personally dedicated to learn ways from books or life experiences to improve myself or my marriage. So the best way is to find excerpts for her to read while I'll elaborate around it for our mutual benefit. So now I'm browsing blogs to learn for others' experiences and I was brought to a link presenting an interview with Ms Rika from the site http://subservient-husband.blogspot.com/. It's short and easy to read. I present here few excerpts that make a nice opener that I'll present to my wife as we're now ready to work on defining our dynamic. You'll find the article 10 questions with Ms. Rika:

<b> Question: Youdescribe your D/s dynamic as service-based and not scene-based. What does thatmean for you? A service-oriented dynamic is Dominant-centric. It’s not focused on what is done TO the sub,but rather on what the sub does FOR the Dominant. When you focus on providing for the needs ofa specific Dominant, you realize this is a very personal and individualizedchallenge… The focus of my dynamic is on an ongoing interaction between twopartners, governed by an agreement wherein one partner offers to commit himselfor herself to serving the needs of the other, and the other agrees to acceptthat service from a position of Dominance. It need not be filled with role-play and costumes… it’s a very realinteraction between two individuals who are just being themselves. The approach is more practical forlong-termed, satisfying relationships.

…I wroteUniquely Rika to concisely encapsulate the approach that has worked for me andto help others who seek realistic, achievable, long-termed, successful D/srelationships…. From guys it’s often, “It made me understand myself and this isexactly what I want.” From women, it’s“Finally, an approach to D/s that resonates with my personality and lets me beme!”… I can tell you what it means to serve me but only your partner can tellyou how to serve her…

When youagree to take on the dominant role in the power exchange, you are committing toaccept it from a position of dominance. This means you commit to remain present and active in the powerexchange. It means you agree to openlyrecognize your position and the intent of action of your partner. When he does something for you, it’smotivated by his desire to serve your needs. You agree to acknowledge his effort and help him to serve youbetter. You agree to accept and expecthis service. You agree to not forget… Asimple “good job” or a knowing smile when he does something for you, tells himyou know he is serving you and that your acknowledgement is motivation for him. </b>

I'm eager to re-read the book and do my homework to present to Kim what's needed to start with. The first step will be for her to identify what are her desires that she wishes having me service her. Since Orgasm Control is helping me focus on Kim, this step will help me target my focus on things that are important to her well being as stated by herself. So even if we're not looking for D/s, there are ideas in the book that will be much useful to shape our renewed marriage's dynamic.

Note: Tom Allen pointed me to an interview that he did with Ms Rika worth reading on his Site the Edge of Vanilla: Rika does Vanilla

The day I met Will

2011-12-12T21:08:00.000-08:00

More than twenty years ago I met Will when I married my wife. You know the spouses exchanging vows saying something like ... for better or worse I'll stay with you and I'll love you... And both spouses say: I will!! This is the Will.

For me my marriage with Kimberly was an engagement that was for life. It never occurred to me that it would be different. Along the years we had kids, jobs' loss, money issues and a lot of changes in our lives as well as in our environment. Beside that both of us changed along the years.

One could say that we're changing while getting old, I prefer to say that we mature and get experience. Meaning that we're evolving. And that is great. I wouldn't want to stay on the same page all my life. My wife is now a more complex person and our bond is more profound.

This is why it was so important having met Will from the beginning . With him the path is clearly defined: I will follow through the difficulties and I will love my wife no matter what happens. Love is never acquired. It's easy at the beginning but when the romance fades, the true meaning of the vows appears. This is why love is not something that I can simply rely on. To exist I have to work to make love flourish.

This Mature Metal Double Locked Ring would make nice wedding rings!

As I brought the concepts of introducing Orgasm Control and the use of a chastity device to do so in our relationship as I was officially the Head of Household it could have been threatening for our couple. But the beauty to share years with a soul mate is that she knows me maybe better than myself. She understood things that I was unaccustomed or that I didn't wanted to be acknowledged. I might be the one who dreams more of our future, she's the one who allows them to be fulfilled. The dreamer and the carrier empowering themselves as two individuals bound to make one spirit. What used to be gender roles in our traditional marriage is swept for new behaviors to be experienced and to use character traits that were not part of our daily identity but become essential to implement our new lifestyle.

The path we're now following is for us to become more complete as individuals for the better of our couple. We're not fantasizing or looking for kink: trusting ourselves we're creating something new with the old stuff (well not so old...). All is not clear and expectations may differ from one individual to the other but as in the past we're now as always partners. So we're two for the road heading for a renewed lifestyle and with our friend Will, we'll make it.

The Power Key

2011-12-10T10:44:00.001-08:00

Until yesterday we were using the honour system to keep me chaste. For I found the lock to be too big with the CB6000, I considered that the hassle for the key was unnecessary and I was not wearing the device for long period time and my wife found it pointless.

Now the Saddle (my metal device) has brought a whole new dimension to our dynamic. First of all my wife likes the look of it and find now my attribute to be jewelled in the device. So she appreciate that I wear it which was not really the case with the plastic one. Second I have a smaller brass lock that fits just fine. Third I’m so comfortable in the device that as soon as I received it, I kept it.

So with this new setup came the fact that I would wear it permanently. And on a psychological aspect, I wanted my wife to be in control. I feel that with the honour system the responsibility of staying chaste is relying on me since I can always remove the device. Which is the exact contrary of what we’re looking for. The other important point is making my wife more involved on a daily basis by locking the device and being the Keyholder. Knowing that I can’t remove the device without her is a great turn on to both of us. And it makes very much more real the bond created by the Orgasm Control's way of life. Here is her key to access her penis:

By reading forums or blogs I crossed few ideas to manage the keys. I’m sorry for not giving credit to whom it belong but these ideas come from varied comments. A good reference site is Keyheld . Here is how we’ve done it. We have three keys, a very practical fact. She wears her key permanently on her anklet. I have one in my wallet that I always carry with me in case of emergency. This one is kind of laminated within two layers of contact paper that are glued together with a piece of paper with her signature on it: I can't access the key without tearing her signature, so she'll know it. Now since I go to the gym sometimes in late afternoon, wearing the device in the shower would be a bit evident. Since I leave before my wife returns from work, it means that she would have to unlock me in the morning before leaving and I’d stay free all day which is unpleasant in our new dynamic. So the third key is the answer. It will be left in an envelope on which numbers are written around the front from one to ten. And at the last minute or upon a special request from my part will she give me a number on which I will tear the envelope to access the key.

Now the fun part is that she said that if I don't talk to her before to have the number I'll have to go to the gym with my device. She's really developping a twisted mind...

I’m very pleased to this new step in our path since it gives a real boost to our dynamic while we make fun of the fact that I'm controlled that way by my wife. And it seems that she will develop a greater sense of power that will be beneficial for her to develop a more assertive side.

Submission

2011-12-08T10:59:00.000-08:00

In my previous post I referred to Live Science for excerpts of this article http://www.livescience.com/6327-10-woman-man-brain.html. I bring back the following point:

5. Embraces chain of command

An unstable hierarchy can cause men considerable anxiety, Brizendine said. But an established chain of command, such as that practiced by the military and many work places, reduces testosterone and curbs male aggression, she said.

My previous post referred to a question on the site Kink in Exile. There were comments there referring to the fact that wearing a Chastity device wasn't bringing submissiveness in the man but simply revealing it as it was already there.

If you consider that the point #5 up here could be true, we could say that the simple fact that a hierarchy's couple is established by the woman then the testosterone of her spouse will decrease, decreasing his aggressiveness and per extension bringing a less dominant attitude. And that would be physical (chemical) and not psychological. So we could say that being in a cage and having his sexual life regulated by his spouse, the man is developing his submissiveness.

I think that every human have tendencies of a somewhat dominant attitude and submissive one. Man and woman for example bears testosterone, but to a different level of course. It could depend of the context and the necessity. The lioness is very much submissive to the male but will be a great defender of her cats. So to this extent, it will always be only a matter of revealing and not creating submissiveness. That said, for me the context of the male chastity as experienced by a man could develop his submissiveness to such an extent that we can talk about creating submissiveness since because of the context the man can live a rebirth to a certain degree.

For us we were once in a marriage very much based on gender roles, I'm more dominant than my wife but the Orgasm Control (and the Chastity device) create a context in which my submissive side is revealed thus inducing the desire for acknowledging my wife as being Head Of Household.

Submission of one spouse to the other is for me a cornerstone for a better marriage (or Long term relationship). Every couple has to work on their own dynamic but I once thought that for the majority (means at least over 60%) it should be the woman to submit to the man within the relationship, I'm now preferring the reverse for a much better marriage and world.

I'll be back on this.

Orgasm Denial for uncomplicated married people

2011-12-08T09:27:00.000-08:00

While searching the web to discover the world of Orgasm Denial (or Orgasm Control), I stumbled on the most famous blogger on the subject, I've named Tom Allen from The Edge of Vanilla http://vanillaedge.wordpress.com/2011/11/16/frequency-asked-question/ . For this post I refer to a question that he relayed from another blog taken from the site Kink in Exile http://kinkinexile.wordpress.com/2011/11/13/question/ asking...

How does orgasm control get into such unexpected and otherwise normal-seeming unions? (meaning married, many with families, most with otherwise uncomplicated-by-the-risque lives).

The following excerpts are comments from Tom Allen:
... it’s that wearing a device is a way to have a *little* bit of kinkiness all the time (...)
... I like to refer to chastity as “bondage lite” because for men, the added weight, and feeling the confines of your device when you get aroused are a constant reminder of your play, and it becomes a feedback loop: The more aroused (and unsatisfied) you are, the more aroused you tend to stay.
It’s a harmless kink that even vanilla-ish partners can enjoy (...) It’s possible that when you’re older and married (or otherwise long-term partnered), denial isn’t as much of an issue when it’s replaced by the intimacy. A lot of the people writing on chastity related web boards (and I’m putting in a plug for http://www.chastityforums.com as being particularly vanilla oriented) write about how exploring this kink has led to greater or enhanced intimacy; perhaps it’s just an aftereffect of people being able to talk about their more private thoughts, or perhaps it takes a while for people to become more comfortable doing something less “vanilla.” (...) This may be difficult for you to believe, but at 53, I simply don’t have the libido that I had when I was 23. However, I still have a strong drive for the sensual, so while I don’t crave an orgasm like I used to, I can feel somewhat satisfied with frequent naked cuddlings and other playtimes (...)

These are only excerpts and in no way I would pretend that it convey all the depth of Tom Allen on the subject but it fits quite well for my approach of the subject. I would add also a libido that differs between my wife who has a lesser sex drive than me. She find also less interest in kink. Regarding the question of age as evoked earlier I found an excerpt from the site Live Science
http://www.livescience.com/6327-10-woman-man-brain.html

10 Things Every Woman Should Know About a Man's Brain by Robin Nixon - 09 April 2010

(...)

7. Hard-wired to check out women

While often linked to aggression and hostility, testosterone is also the hormone of the libido. And guys have six times the amount surging through their veins as women, said Pranjal Mehta, a social psychologist at Columbia University in New York.

Mehta and colleagues found that testosterone impairs the impulse-control region of the brain. While it has yet to be studied, this may explain why, as Brizendine says, men ogle women as if on "auto-pilot." They often forget about the woman once she is out of their visual field, Brizendine said.

6. Must defend turf

"Part of the male job, evolutionarily-speaking, is to defend turf," Brizendine said. More research is needed in humans but in other male mammals, the "defend my turf" brain area is larger than their female counterparts,' she said.

While women too have fits of possessiveness, men are much more likely to become violent when faced with a threat to their love life or territory, she said.

5. Embraces chain of command

Whether that article is scientific or not doesn't matter much. It inspires me some comments linked to these points regarding Orgasm Denial:

As for the point #7, the feeling and the sight of a Chastity device and the fact that my wife is my key for sexual satisfaction incite me to focus on her all the time.
As for #6, it's a good way for the female woman to develop her sense of possessiveness of her territory. She develops her dominant side for her spouse
As for #5, the woman being in charge of the sexuality of the couple and by extension of the relationship itself (doesn't men are only dicks?!) bring a more harmonious state in the couple.

The Saddle

2011-12-08T00:58:00.000-08:00

We started the use of the device this summer with the CB6000. It was a very loose schedule and it even was dropped for awhile. Now I'm back in the saddle again (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZqRL7nJB48). Yep! That will be the name of my new Stainless Steel Chastity device:

A very nice site that I've consulted upon studying the concept of Orgasm Denial (or Orgasm Control) that led to the idea of adopting the usage of a Chastity device was :

Kept For Her http://keptforher.com/why-chastity.html

Here is their introduction to the concept.

Welcome to Kept For Her where male chastity and romance come together. Kept For Her is owned and operated by a husband and wife who are totally committed to one another and to the good of the relationship. We are passionate about our marriage and we hope to help others to enjoy their relationship like we do. It is our desire that you will find aids to strengthen your relationship, build trust, find fulfillment and intimacy, and have the relationship that you always desired.

We at Kept For Her believe that male chastity can be a wonderful addition to a marriage and can add some wonderful benefits besides. Male chastity lifestyle brings a whole new dimension to the relationship. The relationship between husband and wife ought to be filled with true love, commitment to the other's good, selflessness, wild intimacy, and many other things. So often the focus of the male is on sex.

We bean enjoying male chastity in the summer of 2004. We purchased a CB-3000 and began to discover the enjoyment when hubby is locked and Wife is in control of his "manhood". At first it was a bit difficult for Wife to get used to, but she began to read articles and try some different things to see what would be fun. She also pushed the envelope to see how long she could keep hubby locked up.

For us, male chastity has added a dimension of fun, intimacy, romance and pleasure that we had not known in our intimate life. We only wish that male chastity devices were around when we got married in the late 1970's.

As the wife lovingly locks her husband in a chastity device, the focus can be more on the emotional, spiritual, and relational aspects of the marriage. Do you remember how you courted and as a man, how you sought to lovingly woo your girlfriend with your kindness. What happened to that spark and desire to keep her interests as your focus?

So where does male chastity come in? We have been asked that many times. We believe that a loving wife keeping her
husband locked in a good chastity device can have wonderful benefits for the relationship and the marriage.

I agree completely with these words from above: For us, male chastity has added a dimension of fun, intimacy, romance and pleasure that we had not known in our intimate life... As the wife lovingly locks her husband in a chastity device, the focus can be more on the emotional, spiritual, and relational aspects of the marriage.

And to be locked in the Saddle reminds me of those avove words which are music to my ears.
So... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZqRL7nJB48

Ric C

A renewed beginning

2011-12-07T22:38:00.000-08:00

I've always been captivated by human relationships and the society's evolution. Learning what can motivate or influence or force a person to adopt a specific attitude is the best way to better understand them and be tolerant towards the ones that are different. This is how I tend to evolve in my life. So actually as we're re-balancing our couple's dynamic (you may refer to the page About us) now I'm browsing different web sites and blogs dealing with Orgasm Denial, male Chastity device and Female Led Relationships. As usual with the web, there is a lot of crap, a lot of kink. But this is the price to pay to find the gems that will help me in my path. I would like to dedicate this first post to my beloved wife and refer to a beautiful account that the wife (named J) of a blogger (named Cricheted) posted on his site. (I hope that they won't be offended as I will refer them to my post.)

From Cricketed's blog: http://cricketedlover.wordpress.com/2010/08/02/a-post-from-j/
I invite you to read it (and more) but to put things in context it's a a man that has introduced to his wife his desire to introduce in their couple the concepts of Orgasm denial and eventually Female Led Relationship. We're not looking to establish the samething but nonetheless it is very inpirational.

A post from J (the wife) : In Praise of the Cricket
To say that a cricket could change the world sounds like an odd and unrealistic flight of fancy. (I think you know that a cricket is our name for a metal cage-like chastity device worn around the penis.) Okay, with that in mind, imagine large populations rubbing their mental wings humming a sweet, transported belief in crickets. Imagine hundreds of millions of marriages not lost or ship wrecked or mired in complaint and anger and the almost certainly unavoidable and completely natural disasters caused by kids and money and jobs and schedules. Imagine everyone in the world thinking of each other all day long and falling into each other’s arms at night and talking about everything on equal planes of interest and reason and patience and good will and joyful passion.

How can two people be totally inaudible to each other one year and anticipating each other’s every word the next? It could only be explained by a cricket. It seems such a simple physical control by one person over another’s sexual completion. Do not be fooled. Its control is physical, of course, but that is maybe 1% of its power. It can only be mutually undertaken. It is entirely mental. It changes thought and perception. It creates communication and partnership and passion.

My husband says that it is natural that women are in control. He says that women are more sensible and superior. There is not one moment that I feel superior. I have been given control—a whole reciprocal responsibility. I have been catered to and I have been adored. All this makes me feel is happy. My cricketed husband has put such positive energy into our marriage, relationship, bond—none of these words seems quite right—(life!) that I can only contribute in kind. I can only try to be fair and true and generous and understanding. I feel loved in an extraordinary way. I think for both of us, everything feels easier. (Not to mention, extremely erotic.)

The cricket has made me know my husband better. I have found that everything I did not know about my husband is much more interesting than what I knew. Deeper, everything that he thought he should hide about himself, when revealed, became transparent and opened a beautiful view into him and really us both.

I do love having control of my husband’s orgasm. We have come to the point where cricket on or off, it is the same. He will only come or touch himself with my permission. But he finds the cricket reassuring. I find it incredibly beautiful and it arouses us both. For him being aroused has become almost more pleasurable than coming. But coming for him (on far flung pre-decided dates) is spectacular. We make love and he brings me to orgasm daily, unless I am not in the mood, or he is too tired—now rare occurrences.

I am not sorry we waited until now to figure this out. But if you are making choices, my advice is that the cricket is the best way to cultivate a truer marriage.
Clarification: we do not claim to have anything figured out. We are exploring. But in the cricket we have embarked.

Thanks to both of you for a beautiful account of your journey that I find so inspiring.
Ric C